I remember all the Mother’s Days I’ve been lucky enough to have since becoming a Mum.  I wrote about Mothers Day for the first time in 2011 after the pain of miscarrying.  The following year I wrote about my first real celebration as a Mum with a babe in arms.  In 2017 as a Mum of two I cautious about cheering too loudly, always remembering those who find Mothers Day a sad reminder of what they don’t have.  In 2018 I wrote ”23 questions to ask Mummy’ not realising it would be my last Mother’s Day with Mum.  (It would be fun to review these questions now with a 9 year old and 4 year old wouldn’t it!).

This is my third Mothers Day without my Mum.  I wrote about my first Mother’s Day without my Mum in 2019.  What I didn’t write about was last years Mother’s Day.  In fact I can barely remember it.  Mothering Sunday coincided with Easter I think  at a time when the world was starting to close down for fear of spreading a new virus.  A Nationwide lockdown was pending (and started 2 days later on my Dad’s birthday).   I explained to my then 3 year old why people might not be visiting their Mums/Grandma’s/children/friends for Mother’s Day and he shrugged and said ”Lucky you don’t have a Mum to visit any more then if you can’t!”.   This is the only picture taken of me on 22nd March 2020 (in among the pants and socks in the back yard with Euan).

This year we find ourselves still in lockdown and hearing so many stories of people missing their loved ones.  We visited George’s Mum and Dad this morning.  We played outside on the bikes while they mostly watched and waved.   It felt good to be connected to them.

George made some lunch when we got home and in the afternoon we went back out to visit my Mum at the cemetery.   It might sound funny to read that but If you’ve lost a loved one you’ll understand the sentiment of saying you’re going to see them.  It’s important to us to talk about Mum with ease and joy.  To keep her alive in the memories we share with the boys.

Today has been lovely for its ordinariness.   George cooked again later while the boys played and I had a bath.  All in all it’s been a lovely connected day.   I am so grateful for all that I have.  Being a Mum was an unfulfilled dream for so many years I will never take it for granted.  I always spare a thought for those who may not feel so lucky.  If that’s you know that I am sending love x